I Left My iPod in El Segundo

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Fuck the Green Ranger

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just kidding…but not really.

I’ve been a hater for awhile, since childhood in fact. And though I’m striving for Less Hate in 08 for some reason I decided to look back at some of my enmity toward fictional characters.

Green Ranger

I hated Tommy aka the Green Ranger from the minute he was introduced. As a bad guy at least he made for some memorable episodes but once he joined the team and took Jason’s place as leader my unbridled kiddy hate grew even more. And Jason’s punk ass let it slide too. Tommy took the place as the focus of the show. He got an upgrade to White Ranger and got that stupid talking sword and Jason eventually disappeared. Mostly i was pissed that Tommy got all cool stuff that Jason should’ve had. Fuck the Green Ranger!

More hate after the jump

Much like the east and west coast rap “beef” of the 90s, my hate of Leonardo was pretty much blown out of proportion because I forced myself to choose a side. My zeal for Raphael led me to despise Leonardo since they often butt heads. I hated Leo because as a kid who tried to go against the grain I usually hated team leaders in cartoons. I hated him for all for the reasons Raph was so appealing, weapons, color, and demeanor. Over the years I’ve grown to appreciate all four turtles though, and grown to respect Leonardo thanks to the 2k3 series. Katanas are overrated though haha.

I apologize to any fans of Scott Summers, but as kid I thought Cyclops was a chump. In addition to him being the X-Men team leader, he was a bland bastard. It seems like Cyclops is usually crapped on by people like me who grew up with the Fox series. I latched on to Gambit like many because a thieving cajun trying to get ass just seemed cooler. Cyclops was stiff and the voice of reason, and had a girlfriend that was trying to destroy the Earth. Who wants any of that?

I dont outright hate Bugs, but he always annoys me most when paired with Daffy because he typically comes out on top. Plus he’s the most popular character so that didnt help. Daffy’s an asshole too when paired with Porky Pig but usually those encounters are more balanced.


I have an unbridled amount of hate for the Roadrunner. Watching this cartoon I always hoped that Wile E. Coyote would get his chance to nab the Roadrunner but it never happened. And the more I watched, the more I realized it never would. Sure he could use all the money he spends on Acme products to get a rotisserie chicken from Boston Market. But by this point it must be about pride more than anything else. Why is Wile E. made out to be the villain? It really enfuriated me to know that he’d never have a shot at catching the damn Roadrunner. I still hate the Roadrunner, at this point someone should either put Wile E. out of his misery or get him some food.

This pissed me off. Really this is the best you could do for Wiley?

I never actually hated him, but Vinnie > Throttle.

Similar to Leonardo, I hated Kermit because I loved another muppet much more. If Kermit is the “face” of the muppets then Gonzo is the “ass”. Growing up I never thought Gonzo got his fair share of the spotlight. Even though Kermit had a likeable personality, his presence made Gonzo less of a leading figure and I hated that. At least Kermit was tortured with Ms. Piggie’s presence though. Gonzo definitely lives up to his name, and has always captivated me though most. No one else can fill his shoes. My hate of Kermit has subsided over the years though. While its “not easy being green”, try being whatever Gonzo is because believe its a lot rougher.

Honorable Mention

Trix Kids
Mickey Mouse

I’m sure I forgot a lot of other characters I’ve despised over the years but thats where a majority of the hate was focused.


Written by lazypen

April 2, 2008 at 3:48 pm

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